Transformation

It has been four months since I have been a married woman. Woo woo. You know, it’s funny that before our lives began together I had it mapped out in my head very differently. Our lives together would be simple, we wouldn’t be like all of those other couples who have problems! Ha-ha! I think back on my plans now and realize how unrealistic my thinking really was. For three months I have been trying to understand how this whole marriage thing even works. There are couples who have been married for years that probably still trying to figure out the exact same thing. Brad and I don’t doubt that we should have gotten married. God made it very clear to us that this was and is indeed His will. So I guess since I felt it was a divine calling I figured it would be easier. I have no idea where that twisted logic sprouted from. All throughout the Bible there are people struggling to do God’s will. Moses, Mary, Paul, the Disciples, and Jonah are just a few examples. Brad and I are no exception. I do not mean to start off this whole blog world thing with any complaints, that is not my goal for this. In no way do i want to use a blog to complain to random people who have other things in life to worry about. My point in all of this is to point any of you who have been struggling with the concept of marriage and how to adjust to this book:

I picked this book up yesterday as my husband sat in the kitchen to finish his homework (he’s taking online classes through Liberty University) I was so upset and emotionally drained. I couldn’t pin point why. I keep blaming everything on the fact that he has to work 24 hour shifts and I only see him a few times a week. When we do see each other we have a bunch of things to do for church or school (we are still learning how to balance life!) However, it goes so much deeper than all of that. I blame Brad for all the things I neglect in my own life. Here is a quote from page 11 in the book:

“Let’s face it. Nothing magical happens once we put those rings on our fingers. If we were unhappy before marriage, chances are we’ll go back to being unhappy shortly after the honeymoon. Marriage doesn’t make us feel better about ourselves or solve our problems in the long run. No husband can be the White Knight who rescues us from all of our issues and insecurities. At some point we have to put on our ‘big-girl panties’ and go through the work of resolving our own issues, remedying our own insecurities, and becoming happy with ourselves beofre we can truly be happy in our marriage. But if wefail to acknowledge the need to work on our own issues, we believe that our relational problems must be our husband’s fault. “

I love how this book does not for one second feed the thought that I am fine and dandy and it is my husband who needs all the work. That is not loving at all. Thank God for people being honest about their relationships and themselves! While reading this book ( I am only on chapter 5) It started to become clear to me. This is something I would have claimed to know before. I have probably even stated it. Marriage is not made to make us happy. Wow. How does that feel sinking into your heart? It hurt mine a little, until i read on. Marriage is to be a reflection of God’s relationship to us.

Ephesians 5:31

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”

Our relationships illustrate the commitment that Christ has to the church, and Christ’s goal wasn’t as much to make the church happy as it was to make us holy. (from every woman’s marriage pg 39)

Transforming words! Our society craves for the feeling of happiness, everything is based off whether or not something makes you happy. If you are not happy in your relationship leave. That seems to be the theology of this world. I love how the book states that as a person leaves a relationship simply because they are unhappy and enter into another that same unhappy feeling will follow. It wasn’t necessary the person they were with but themselves, and ultimately you can’t leave yourself. Happiness is an awesome gift but holiness is what will last for an eternity. As the book states: Marriage offers us an incredible opportunity to be made more holy, more Christlike. So there ya have it folks. A journey I am traveling as I pray for God to open my heart and mind up to the book and what it offers. I do not wish to have a better marriage because of a book, I pray for God to show me through the book how he wants marriage to be. I am so sick of being selfish Agape love, unconditional love, now that is the goal.