Gah so today started out pretty rough...i rolled out of bed ( although i would have rather kept the covers over my head) and i shoved cereal in my mouth and whizzed through a devotion. Then it started, things just started to bug me like never before. The person driving in front of me, the fact that i didn't know where my debit card was, the way my professors arm cracks every time she writes on the board, the way the chair felt oh i could go on and on "This is a horrible day" i thought . I sat in the library and just cried. How could God expect me to be a friend to Her when i didn't even know what to say. She is homeless again, has no family to depend on, no solid friends, straying away from God, and still struggles with eating disorders. As i pound on the keyboard i begin to see things in a new light. I have been so weary lately crying out to God in desperation wondering if he is even there, i am doing a research paper on the way media effects women. This has given me a chance to look back into my once broken past and see how God has and still is restoring me. Going into the pages that reveal the mind of a 16 year old girl struggling with bulimia, a loss of friends, a want for tangible love from a guy. I am so sure that it is my his grace alone i stand today able to say i am free. But in the midst of this he has put it on my heart to share with girls in high school the freedom he brings. This is hard for me because i have yet to grasp how he pulled me out. I don't think it was anything i did, like i said it was truly by his grace, so i am still so confused how am I supposed to help these girls, or better yet why he laid that friend on my heart to go and speak to her. I had to clue what to say! But i guess God doesn't just call us to serve in the areas where we are pretty much professionals. His glory would not be able to shine through as much if he did. In 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 Paul writes " But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weaknesses.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christs power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, i delight in weaknesses, in insult, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when i am weak, then I am strong. " Even though i may have no idea what to say to a generation of girls who define themselves by the things of this world, i have a Savior i can turn to. After all i can't do any of the healing, it is him and only him. Like Isaiah i cried out Here i am, Lord send me.
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